It is important that you have healthy boundaries that communicate your needs and wants in relationships. Boundaries allow you to communicate to others exactly how you want to be treated. You don’t just need boundaries in familial relationships, you need them in romantic, platonic, and professional relationships as well. Boundaries will help you maintain all of your relationships in a healthy manner. The question is, do you have healthy or unhealthy boundaries? If you have unhealthy boundaries or have not set any boundaries, I am going to show you what healthy boundaries look like and exactly how to set them.
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Boundaries
Answering phone calls when you want to vs. Answering the phone whenever someone calls
Knows when to say “no” vs. Always says “yes”
Talk to others without seeking a reply vs. Dependent on the opinions of others
Not becoming over involved in the problems of other people vs. Someone else’s problems are your problems.
Tell your personal business in a constructed way vs. Telling your personal business to anyone who will listen
Responding to work during normal business hours vs. Answering calls and messages outside of normal office hours
How To Set Boundaries
Your boundaries may vary across relationships. Though this formula for setting boundaries can be used regardless of the relationship at hand.
- Write out all the things that are important to you in general or for someone you have a specific relationship with. (Employer, partner, friend, etc.)
- Write down things that you do not like/want in a relationship.
- Establish boundaries.
For example:
| Important to me | Don’t Want | Possible Boundaries |
| My Time | People to waste my time. | Telling your employer that you will not answer calls or respond to emails and messages outside of normal business hours |
| To feel like I have to do things that I do not want to do. | Telling people to shoot you a text to make sure you’re available before calling. | |
| To do work for my day job when I get home. | Telling people to only call during certain times unless it’s an emergency. | |
| People who cancel last minute. | Telling someone that if they continue to cancel or come late without prior notice that you will no longer make plans to meet with them. | |
| Inconsistent work schedule. | Telling someone that you will not always answer their phone calls. |
Conclusion
Boundaries are used to differentiate between where your relationship with someone begins and ends. You need to use boundaries to ensure that who you are as an individual as well as outside of that specific relationship is not compromised or dismissed. The formula I have given you today is perfect for establishing healthy boundaries with everyone in your life.
Have you always set boundaries or do you find yourself in situations where you realize there are no boundaries?
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