As some of you know I have been dating women since my senior year of high school. Though many people are not aware that I date women or wouldn’t be if I didn’t post pictures of my girlfriend and I on Instagram. It isn’t something that I keep a secret but really hasn’t been something that I make the topic of conversations. However, over the last couple of years I sometimes find myself feeling like I am hiding it or am ashamed when I see others wearing LGBTQ+ gang across their foreheads. Well not literally but you know what I am saying. There are people within the lgbtq+ community that are advocating daily for our rights and the injustices being done to people within the lgbtq+ community and then there’s me. You know, sort of how I was feeling about everyone turning into social media activist overnight when the George Floyd, may he rest in peace, murder occurred. Only thing is unlike being black, no one will know that I am lgbtq+ by looking at me. I know, societal pressure!
Anywho, I decided to go ahead and rep my hood in my instagram bio! Gang GANG! Alright, so now that I have officially publicly announced my allegiance to the LGBTQ+ community I guess it’s only right that I tell my coming out story…right? Well I’m going to do it anyway…read on.
It didn’t happen for me like that. I honestly never had to. My mother asked me and I replied yes but that was it. I don’t remember telling other family members…maybe my mother did or maybe they just knew. I didn’t even think twice about them knowing. Don’t think I cared. I assumed that if I was happy that’s all that mattered. Maybe because it wasn’t something I had to talk about a lot back then, I don’t talk about it now. I don’t mind having the discussion, I just never have to.
It was senior year of high school, I had a boyfriend who no longer attended the school. I was on the cheerleading team and would sometimes shoot around on the court before practice. The girls basketball coach wanted me to join the team and asked me to attend a basketball practice. I did not want to join the team but attended anyway. I had fun at the practice but declined the offer as I felt it would interfere with cheerleading. From then on some of the players that I did not know before would speak to me in the halls. One girl in particular would go out of her way to speak to me. She was really short and sweet. I was nice to everyone, honestly, and treated her no differently.
This year I had been assigned lunch without my friends and would sometimes sit alone. She would leave her friends to sit and chat with me. Eventually I picked up on her flirtatious ways but enjoyed the attention. I talked with my friends about it and it seemed innocent and fun. So I continued to entertain. This went on for a while, to the point where she would carry my books and walk me to class. Eventually she asked me out and I declined. I apologized for leading her on and told her that I did not want a relationship with her and that I had a boyfriend. I tried scaling back on time spent with her around the school but she was determined to walk me to class everyday. Eventually she asked me to be her girlfriend again and I felt almost obligated to say yes; by this time my boyfriend and I were no longer together. It was as if my actions had been leading her on and toying with her heart, I felt that I at least owed her a true chance at a relationship. We were together for a year. I eventually realized that I did not like her and instead was in love with the attention that she gave me, and she gave me a lot of attention. That relationship however did give me a chance to look back over my life and analyze my previous friendships and interactions with girls as a child. It became clear that I liked girls all along.
Looking over my elementary school years it is evident that the feelings and experiences I had back then were more than I was able to understand at such a young age. Fast Forward to the day my mother asked me…leading up to the day I had been tweeting things about the girl I mentioned at the beginning of this post and my mother saw them. Yes, my mother had a twitter and was friends with my siblings and I on all our social media accounts. I am not sure what I tweeted on this specific day that made her call me into her room but she did. She said “Is such and such your girlfriend?” I simply responded “yes” and she said “I thought so.” That was the end. She may have asked me why I didn’t tell her but I am not sure. A few years later my father and I had a conversation about it but he had already met some of the girls I dated so it was not me “coming out” to him.
Not much of a coming out story huh?
If you feel comfortable enough you can share your coming out story in the comments below. You can even share how you reacted to someone coming out to you! Remember all, this is a judgement free zone, only love and light!
I do NOT own the featured image.
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